Recuento

Me siento a la hora nocturna
En el espacio
a recopilar mis pensamientos
Remontandome en los recuerdos
Reviviendo el viaje que me trajo aqui.
La vida a sido un sube y baja
de experiencias
Aquellas que marcan para siempre.
Trasamos lineas,
Llena de expectativas
Que al final no sirven de nada
Porque en el paso todo se contruye.
Si te digo que soy fuerte,
miento
Porque no soy mas que un caparazon
Mi alma anda vagando
De aventura en aventura.
Escribiendo mi propio libro
Y cada capitulo
es cada vez mas intenso.
Existen todos los sentimientos
En un solo lugar.
En el corazón
donde todo se vive.

Pensamiento

Estoy cansada de creer...

Love is not enough

I love you
I've heard it so many times.
Gets to a point that you stop believing in such words.
I've been hurt before, I was promised the world to find out it was given to someone else.

How to put the pieces back together?
How to rebuild the trust in love,
when love itself is not enough?

No one loves anymore, only themselves.
Everyone is pulling for their side, including you.

How is it that you put up with bullshit at work, but you don't allow yourself to put up with the bullshit love brings?

I love you all the way to here
Because love is not enough.

I am done

Stop complaining, grow up they say.
Then when you do as asked there still no happiness. I am done chasing dreams, I am done chasing ideas that only takes nowhere. I will become another number, a lifetime of expectations in the ongoing routine of workaholic robots. What is the point of even dreaming to everything there are plenty of buts, tons of limitations... I am done trying to be different, what's the point anyways,
if you can't beat them join them they say!

Somewhere between there and here

Once again in that place called limbo...

Not here or there, but somewhere in between I got lost.
I am not sure where I belong anymore.
I've experienced every feeling in the dictionary.

I was brought all the way to the sky, thinking for the first time I was comprehend.
A life created in a magical world
For the witch to come and destroy it because she wanted the happiness, the one she couldn't have.
For the first time... the witch won!
Only because I didn't have strength to fight.

I am done with love.
My last bone of trust was broken into pieces.
I don't wish the bad to anyone...
But I know Karma is a bitch.

The last hope to reconstruct my soul is God!

Celiac Disease, my hero!

After almost one hour of writing, when I now come back to it the whole thing is empty. Yay me, let's see how this is going now,  I'm inspired!

Hello, my name is Jiny and I have Celiac!
You: Hi Jiny!

I was diagnosed two months ago, right before my birthday. - Yay, happy birthday to me!!! - It wasn't easy to actually know what's wrong with yourself. You see for the longest time I had all the symptoms,  but I didn't have health insurance, until my girlfriend at the time now fiancée, a job found her and at that place they provide health insurance for non traditional living partners. We went thru a lot of paperwork and we pay a lot of taxes and what not but it's been worth it. So for the longest time I've been feeling bipolar, I didn't understand what was going on with me that I couldn't control my emotions, I felt tired all the time, and I was going to the bathroom constantly. It was affecting my relationship to a certain point, even my work, but I didn't know until I was found with the condition was a few days before my birthday, (my 30th so imagine how I was feeling, depressed).

The thing about it is that I should have known better about this, my brother tested negative, but I tested possitive. I inherited it from my mother. At first I was depressed now am sad. Is hard to adjust, but am happy to know what's wrong with me and that I can do something about it. But sad because I can't imagine the times that my mother fought with this symptoms when every doctor in Puerto Rico that she went couldn't tell her what was wrong with her. More than 10 years passed when my mom finally found out. I now understand everything that ever happen in my life. My mom's is definitely a strong woman, brave and patient person. She is my hero!

Nunca jamas...

Nunca, jamas... es la mentalidad de muchos.

Pensamos que jamas se lograra llegar a ello.
Que es ello? Ello es todo aquello que se convierte en algun punto en tu vida en miedo, frustracion, alegria, tristeza, logros, derrotas...
En fin todo los sentimientos y eventos en la vida acompañados de antonimos.

Nunca me enfermo, pero un buen dia pasa.
Jamas sere feliz, pero algo extraordinario sucede que al final descubres que si.
Nunca vere un milagro, entonces precencias el nacimiento de un pequeño serhumano.

Jamas y nunca, palabras sin base ni fundamentos, porque jamas viviras por siempre como para decir que nunca pasara.