Pensamiento

Estoy cansada de creer...

Love is not enough

I love you
I've heard it so many times.
Gets to a point that you stop believing in such words.
I've been hurt before, I was promised the world to find out it was given to someone else.

How to put the pieces back together?
How to rebuild the trust in love,
when love itself is not enough?

No one loves anymore, only themselves.
Everyone is pulling for their side, including you.

How is it that you put up with bullshit at work, but you don't allow yourself to put up with the bullshit love brings?

I love you all the way to here
Because love is not enough.

I am done

Stop complaining, grow up they say.
Then when you do as asked there still no happiness. I am done chasing dreams, I am done chasing ideas that only takes nowhere. I will become another number, a lifetime of expectations in the ongoing routine of workaholic robots. What is the point of even dreaming to everything there are plenty of buts, tons of limitations... I am done trying to be different, what's the point anyways,
if you can't beat them join them they say!

Somewhere between there and here

Once again in that place called limbo...

Not here or there, but somewhere in between I got lost.
I am not sure where I belong anymore.
I've experienced every feeling in the dictionary.

I was brought all the way to the sky, thinking for the first time I was comprehend.
A life created in a magical world
For the witch to come and destroy it because she wanted the happiness, the one she couldn't have.
For the first time... the witch won!
Only because I didn't have strength to fight.

I am done with love.
My last bone of trust was broken into pieces.
I don't wish the bad to anyone...
But I know Karma is a bitch.

The last hope to reconstruct my soul is God!

Celiac Disease, my hero!

After almost one hour of writing, when I now come back to it the whole thing is empty. Yay me, let's see how this is going now,  I'm inspired!

Hello, my name is Jiny and I have Celiac!
You: Hi Jiny!

I was diagnosed two months ago, right before my birthday. - Yay, happy birthday to me!!! - It wasn't easy to actually know what's wrong with yourself. You see for the longest time I had all the symptoms,  but I didn't have health insurance, until my girlfriend at the time now fiancée, a job found her and at that place they provide health insurance for non traditional living partners. We went thru a lot of paperwork and we pay a lot of taxes and what not but it's been worth it. So for the longest time I've been feeling bipolar, I didn't understand what was going on with me that I couldn't control my emotions, I felt tired all the time, and I was going to the bathroom constantly. It was affecting my relationship to a certain point, even my work, but I didn't know until I was found with the condition was a few days before my birthday, (my 30th so imagine how I was feeling, depressed).

The thing about it is that I should have known better about this, my brother tested negative, but I tested possitive. I inherited it from my mother. At first I was depressed now am sad. Is hard to adjust, but am happy to know what's wrong with me and that I can do something about it. But sad because I can't imagine the times that my mother fought with this symptoms when every doctor in Puerto Rico that she went couldn't tell her what was wrong with her. More than 10 years passed when my mom finally found out. I now understand everything that ever happen in my life. My mom's is definitely a strong woman, brave and patient person. She is my hero!

Nunca jamas...

Nunca, jamas... es la mentalidad de muchos.

Pensamos que jamas se lograra llegar a ello.
Que es ello? Ello es todo aquello que se convierte en algun punto en tu vida en miedo, frustracion, alegria, tristeza, logros, derrotas...
En fin todo los sentimientos y eventos en la vida acompañados de antonimos.

Nunca me enfermo, pero un buen dia pasa.
Jamas sere feliz, pero algo extraordinario sucede que al final descubres que si.
Nunca vere un milagro, entonces precencias el nacimiento de un pequeño serhumano.

Jamas y nunca, palabras sin base ni fundamentos, porque jamas viviras por siempre como para decir que nunca pasara.

Living together and a home based business - Part II

Is going to be almost a year since I wrote about this particular topic that goes well together.

I don't have an assistant to call every time something needs to get done, nor I have the manpower to do what a multimillion dollar company does. Yet I always want to give the best in everything I do, with high-quality.

Like I mentioned before it's been almost a year and here I am worked in a few gigs here and there... a wedding, a few photoshoots, and the CD design of Domingo Quiñones for his new release "de vuelta al amor". It has been quite a journey where I've cried many times thinking this ain't going nowhere (but good things are happening), where I've had to work part-time for a company that is going nowhere (but I am thankful I had it) and all I wanted was to work from home. So that's where I am now in a crucial moment in my life where I work my own hours for two amazing companies and the flexibility of dedicating the necessary time to the creative part of my own endeavours. I am blessed, God has given me what I asked for. I also have to say that my girlfriend has played an important role in this whole thing. She has been my support in every possible way, she has been there like no one ever has. She is a perfect example of what people are capable of achieving if they put their mind into it.

I can say is not easy, but when you think and feel in your heart you want something, just say it aloud, because when you release that energy it transmits and starts putting things in motion, then you start working towards it. As simple as that!

I have learned to be patient, to love, to bless others even when they don't deserve it. Be love to receive love!

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi

#life #homebusiness #growing #happy

Woman, man, child... love is a lifestyle

Straight, gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, drag queen
Love is a lifestyle.

It doesn't matter how is brought to us love is love;
And is a lifestyle because you have to live love in order to be love and give love.

If love is hidden it won't last because the ambivalence of what's going to happen a year from now is very hurtful.
I think that when you love someone it should reach the maximum expression and that's not shown in the closet.

Straight, gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, drag queen it doesn't matter who you are and/or what you are love should never be a secret, because when is a secret love fades since it was made to be free.

I think that most homosexual relationships don't last because someone at some point put love in the closet thinking that's protecting somebody else, which at the end everyone ends up hurting.

If we all allowed love to be free, more relationships would last because it gives the reassurance of society, friends and family that is ok to love regardless of color, orientation or ethnicity.

Woman, man, child... love is a lifestyle.
You want love? Be love, give love and let it free.

World, STOP being so judgemental and speak your mind instead of avoid reality.
STOP worrying about what others might say, maybe then we can all live happy.
World, STOP is about time we respect individualism.
Is not about gay or straight,
is about r-e-s-p-e-c-t,
is about individualism,
is about love.

Love conquers all, as long as the intention at heart is pure.

Love is a lifestyle because is not easy to give and be love.
Is a decision of loving everyday regardless of the imperfections or ups and downs that might bring.

Si viviera hoy

Si viviera ahora no dejaría las cosas para mañana,

Pues del mañana nunca se sabe.

Haría todo lo que no he sacado tiempo para hacer.

Pintaría todos mis pensamientos y sentimientos en abstracto,

viajaría para lograr el pasatiempo favorito.

Dejaría los argumentos estupidos,

Haría todo al amor.

El tiempo nunca es suficiente

Me hubiese gustado vivir hoy.

Si viviera ahora, trabajaria en mis sueños.

Le dedicaria mas tiempo a mi familia

Olvidaria las preocupaciones

Y disfrutaria mas hoy.

El tiempo nunca es suficiente

Siempre queda por explorar mas de la vida.

Un beso, una caricia…

Si viviera ahora

El tiempo existiría por siempre.

My number one

You are my sun.

The one that I see when is raining.

You are my air

The one that I breath.

With you I see a brighter future

One full of adventures and challenges.

In my world you are my number one girl.

You are my muse

The one that inspires me to be better

And from you I've learned so much.

All I want is to make you happy forever

Because you deserve everything good.

I love you forever my baby

There's is no one that can ever replace you.

Forever you'll be my number one.

Living together and a home based business - Part one

Is the beginning of a new life, the adventure to explore the love, commitment, loyalty, communication, and enjoy the ride.

Love is more than just a feeling is the commitment you make to each other (partner, lover, friend or family) to be love even when you don't feel it. Because a feeling changes constantly, from happy you can get sad in an instant, therefore even those days when you hate life you still need to love those who you want to continue to keep close. But to love others you have to love yourself.

I am love, because I love.

Loyalty to myself to be able to keep a balance between work, my time and for others. Is a though task when you have a home based business. But I've learned nothing is impossible.

In a moment you can change your whole future, because living in the present, remembering the past gives you a better perspective into what's going to happen next.

I changed my future because I remember my past and live the present working hard to receive the results I want.

Nothing is easy, a year ago I begun a journey that is going to change my entire life. I open my own business and as an entrepreneur I know this is a hard task because you always have to keep a balance.

This is the beginning of the rest of my life!

As much as I want, it is what it is!

To expect, is always a disappointment.

To live the unexpected, are unpredictable and sometimes undesirable momentums.

To be here and face it like a grown up, is a tough task to handle.

In life there is nothing certain but death.

To fight for the dreams, the goals, and a perfect thought in this unbalanced world not always having karma in our side is a battle only the brave can win.

I pray for the day I see the woman I was meant to be.

I pray for the day that I won’t be judged for seeing life how it is.

I pray for the day that my heart will change to the origins I was once taught.

To love unconditionally,
to laugh for no reason,
to enjoy the day I was privileged to live.

To forgive and forget and simply let go of the past...

What a hard task to be perfect!

Secrets

To be clear as the water can be a very dangerous task. Sometimes to keep somethings to yourself could be the smart thing to do.

To be or not to be?
To keep or not to keep?
To do or not to do?

So many questions!

Secrets were meant to keep as secrets!
If you don't want anyone to know keep them to yourself!

Family First

Like I've said many times before, "life is short". I know we all have some complaints about the family we could not choose for ourselves, but at the end blood is heavier than water.

Family comes first. Something that my parents have thought me. Over and over again they have shown me who they are even when they don't say it out loud. I can see in my mom almost an angel, a compassionate, loving, caring, strong, hard worker, dedicated, organized woman. Is amazing how she is able to fit a week schedule in a day. My dad, a great provider, workaholic, self-starter, business man. Thru him I learned that the only way to survive in this world and be able to enjoy something good is by working. With them together I learned to love, to support each other, that a relationship is a teamwork effort and takes time to find perfection. But regardless of the day to day there's always time to spend together and talk; there's always time for respect and show love.

I am blessed to have parents that fought for the love they have and didn't allow the surroundings to affect it. I am blessed to have the love of my parents!

Family first, always!

Lucky

To taste the flavor of such softness
And explore every corner.
To feel the warmth,
Explosion of feelings;
Sweet words.

Lucky, to find each other
In such broken world.

To find love
To have yours
For you to have mines.

Making our surrounding nauseous
they are just jealous they didn't find it first.

You are my lucky charm!

Embrace

Every minute, of every hour, of everyday!

Today we are here, tomorrow who knows what might happen.

To love for me is a privilege!

I learned that life is fragile, that we should appreciate the moments that life gives us. We are lucky to be alive, to laugh and cry, make mistakes, and learn from them.

To be here should be enough to be grateful, because once your eyes open, at that very moment God gives the opportunity to put life in motion towards the things we want and deserve.

So embrace today, tomorrow it might be too late!

I say I love you...

All our lives enjoying the innocence under the wings of our sheltered parents. To now realize those times passed a long time ago. Today being different should have been a ride to the park, but it's still a tabu. I live like I never said anything to them, like if my words are empty and they never took me serious. Almost like if I don't exist but they live with the illusion of me, a parallel daughter which is perfect just like they dreamt.

The harder they try to change me, the further they push me away. Is not a matter of a flu, is a matter of being born this way. I don't care anymore of hiding, I have no need for it.

These are not reasons for me to love you, these just a few reasons why I want to stay. Is not a matter of running away from my problems, but a matter of being tired of trying to proof myself. I thought many things were fixed between me and my parents but then again is like all I did was make it worst.

With you next to me I have it all, emotionally I am happy. With you I feel I have a family where I can be myself again. Next to you I feel I can do anything because you inspire me to do whatever it takes to make it thru. I want to give you everything. I want to make you happy. I know I am not perfect, but I know that everyday is an opportunity to be better.

I say I love you because next to you I want to stay forever.

I say I love you because even when I am still getting to know you, there will be times were I probably want to go running and instead of you shutting down, that's when I need you to come running after me, the same way I would for you.

We are in this together and even thou I have my house, home is with you. I promise from this point on everything will be for the better and I will not do anything that puts our relationship on a position where you have to wonder why. You are my friend and lover and because of it I consider you in everything I do.

I say I love you because I want to give you everything that I am, what I have yet to discover and the future we are building together.

December 2013 - Happy New *@#%^+ Year

New York is a rude place.

Always on a hurry, me first and me second.
Party is the number one thing for everyone, specially during the holidays.

Holidays? Not the type I am used to.
But I sure had fun with the family; roof party.

Fun times for sure!

In the other hand, people made me feel so out of place.
Is amazing how a person so unimportant can affect your emotions in an instant.
How those strangers can make you feel worst than actually someone that you might love.

If walking away was the easiest way I would choose that in a heartbeat.
But reality, not here to walk out.
I'm here to stay!

Even if I hate so much a situation, a person or a place.
I'm here to stay because I love
And love conquers all!

I don't like the idea of having to tolerate someone just because I love,
But if that's what it takes, so be it.
I don't have to like them!

Everyday (sometime in October)

Missing you, is just an illusion.
Before I wished to have you in my arms once more.

I have moved on!

I miss you and everything that we have gone thru made me stronger for this moment. And that's my reality!

Forever sounds like a long time and I once believed in it.
Then again the things that start somewhere, somewhere else ends.

Everyday I thank the universe for putting you in my path because with you I had a lesson needed to be learned. I just hope one day I understand.

Everyday is a new day from this point on!

Inspired

When in the mornings you realize you made it thru another day alive.
You wake up being thankful, being loved, having good friends and to know you have an exceptional family, you realize then you are inspired to live everyday to the max.

I want to go forward and be able to reach the dreams. Because when you have what you need, then you don't need anything else. Is not about going to the sides, to the past, is about going higher than the skies!

Living now is living forever, living now is building the future!

I am inspired to live my dreams,
I am inspired to be a better human being.

You are my inspiration!