Wednesday, April 22, 2015


Estoy cansada de creer...

Sunday, April 05, 2015

Dear Ex

I don't have to take your bullshit anymore nor you are going to continue making me feel guilty for you wanting to be with someone else while you were with me. You forget the kind of person you are and where you come from. I have been more than patient even when I knew you were fucking her the same day you broke up with me, to play with your freedom and make me think that it was worth fighting for something it was so broken you couldn't even see the crack. I was stupid to think it was all my fault and that you deserved it all only because I didn't have strength to fight for someone that didn't even cared to fight with me, only because you didn't understand what I was going through. I was sick and still am, but now I have learned to live with it. You were the one that proposed to me, yet I don't even know why.

You are a cheating whore and a liar, you think you deserve it all and that your life is better than anyone else. Well let me tell you something, you brought it up on yourself, just because you think you are better doesn't make it real, just because you work hard doesn't make you rich, just because you buy everything you want doesn't mean you know how to manage your money. Whatever decisions we made as a couple was as a couple and it doesnt give you the right to treat me like I owe you anything just because what happened between you and me while we were still together.

You forget that even when you were in your new relationship you were still clinging on me, asking me if I loved you, that proves the kind of person you are. Grow up already and learn from all the mistskes of your past.

I hope one day your new girlfriend comes across this blog and realize the person she has next to her, or maybe you just the same and deserve each other. Well,  actually, you do deserve each other because a person that gets in between a relationship to break it up tells a lot about them (so you are both screw-up).

I could've been many things, but a liar and a cheater, never. You could've broken up with me before fucking her, but that doesn't mean you didn't want it before we were actually over. Even at work they saw how you two got so close that until this day they have something to say on the matter, even your friends.

You created your own bed. Changing your mind about your commitment to me, only because things didn't get better or changing your mind on the agreements we made after we broke up only because you can't keep your word or because things turned out not to go your way.

No one else other than me understand what the fuck is wrong with you, and let me say, you better start taking crazy pills. You are a complete mess and along the way you messed me up. You think I hurt you? please, get your facts straight because you can never deferentiate reality vs fantasy, you block many things from your mind. At least I know the things I did wrong, and I owned it, that's why I didn't care to leave everything behind.

Still nothing that happened between us has anything to do with your final actions of wanting to be with someone else. Grow up already and own your mistakes. You left not because of anything I did or didn't do, you are just the way you are. I guess daddy taught you well.

You called to complain about my partner, because that's all you do (point out fingers when you forget you got four more pointing at you). You also called to let me know I was out of your life, that you blocked me from all my devices and some stupid childish comment... I hung up only because you have been out of my life since 8 months ago and you are no longer a priority, and good riddance. You wish you had the life I have now. You might not know it yet, but now I am in higher places. I have a family, a daughter, a partner and the lifestyle you have dreamt of having but will never get. Not that I was looking for that,  but it fell on my lap. Not that I really care of the lifestyle, because unlike you... I actually came from a family of money, so we actually don't show for it, instead live a very nice simple life. That's probably why my partner and I understand each other. Oh, yeah she has a very wealthy family,  more than you'll even imagine. Maybe now you can do your research since you already have her name.

Thank you for taking me off your life. It was about time, but next time please don't call me,  you are only a faded memory and years waisted. At least now I am smarter and I am definitely making something of myself, I am actually following my dreams. Something you'll never understand, because you are too afraid to even try to follow thru on your own.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Love is not enough

I love you
I've heard it so many times.
Gets to a point that you stop believing in such words.
I've been hurt before, I was promised the world to find out it was given to someone else.

How to put the pieces back together?
How to rebuild the trust in love,
when love itself is not enough?

No one loves anymore, only themselves.
Everyone is pulling for their side, including you.

How is it that you put up with bullshit at work, but you don't allow yourself to put up with the bullshit love brings?

I love you all the way to here
Because love is not enough.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

I am done

Stop complaining, grow up they say.
Then when you do as asked there still no happiness. I am done chasing dreams, I am done chasing ideas that only takes nowhere. I will become another number, a lifetime of expectations in the ongoing routine of workaholic robots. What is the point of even dreaming to everything there are plenty of buts, tons of limitations... I am done trying to be different, what's the point anyways,
if you can't beat them join them they say!

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Somewhere between there and here

Once again in that place called limbo...

Not here or there, but somewhere in between I got lost.
I am not sure where I belong anymore.
I've experienced every feeling in the dictionary.

I was brought all the way to the sky, thinking for the first time I was comprehend.
A life created in a magical world
For the witch to come and destroy it because she wanted the happiness, the one she couldn't have.
For the first time... the witch won!
Only because I didn't have strength to fight.

I am done with love.
My last bone of trust was broken into pieces.
I don't wish the bad to anyone...
But I know Karma is a bitch.

The last hope to reconstruct my soul is God!

Thursday, August 07, 2014

Celiac Disease, my hero!

After almost one hour of writing, when I now come back to it the whole thing is empty. Yay me, let's see how this is going now,  I'm inspired!

Hello, my name is Jiny and I have Celiac!
You: Hi Jiny!

I was diagnosed two months ago, right before my birthday. - Yay, happy birthday to me!!! - It wasn't easy to actually know what's wrong with yourself. You see for the longest time I had all the symptoms,  but I didn't have health insurance, until my girlfriend at the time now fiancée, a job found her and at that place they provide health insurance for non traditional living partners. We went thru a lot of paperwork and we pay a lot of taxes and what not but it's been worth it. So for the longest time I've been feeling bipolar, I didn't understand what was going on with me that I couldn't control my emotions, I felt tired all the time, and I was going to the bathroom constantly. It was affecting my relationship to a certain point, even my work, but I didn't know until I was found with the condition was a few days before my birthday, (my 30th so imagine how I was feeling, depressed).

The thing about it is that I should have known better about this, my brother tested negative, but I tested possitive. I inherited it from my mother. At first I was depressed now am sad. Is hard to adjust, but am happy to know what's wrong with me and that I can do something about it. But sad because I can't imagine the times that my mother fought with this symptoms when every doctor in Puerto Rico that she went couldn't tell her what was wrong with her. More than 10 years passed when my mom finally found out. I now understand everything that ever happen in my life. My mom's is definitely a strong woman, brave and patient person. She is my hero!

Friday, May 09, 2014

Nunca jamas...

Nunca, jamas... es la mentalidad de muchos.

Pensamos que jamas se lograra llegar a ello.
Que es ello? Ello es todo aquello que se convierte en algun punto en tu vida en miedo, frustracion, alegria, tristeza, logros, derrotas...
En fin todo los sentimientos y eventos en la vida acompañados de antonimos.

Nunca me enfermo, pero un buen dia pasa.
Jamas sere feliz, pero algo extraordinario sucede que al final descubres que si.
Nunca vere un milagro, entonces precencias el nacimiento de un pequeño serhumano.

Jamas y nunca, palabras sin base ni fundamentos, porque jamas viviras por siempre como para decir que nunca pasara.